Here, friends, I offer to you something that I hope you find humorous. I was recently browsing around the google analytics page for the Draught, and I noticed that I could see what “keywords” were bringing visitors to the site. It occured to me that I ought to take the most amusing to give to you. It also occurred to me that if I post these up, it might be providing a greater opportunity for visitors who are looking for these things on google to find them here on the site, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.
The top 10 Bizarre/Interesting/Humorous Search Terms that brought users to A Draught of Vintage from Google
10. “poems on sweet corn”
The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese, true; however, it can also be said that the poets have been even more suspiciously and negligently silent on the subject of sweet corn.
9. “top 50 platitudes”
I’m actually interested in seeing a list that can give me 50 good ones and in order of best (?) to worst. But, you know, everything happens for a reason, so I guess it is what it is.
8. “when i have fears by william blake”
I have fears that somebody thinks that Blake wrote this…
7. “Katie Prejean puppy scam”
First of all. I’m glad that they are being directed to this site for help with this problem. Secondly, what is this puppy scam? How does it work? Is it lucrative? Does it involve actual puppies? Why Katie Prejean, why?
6. “a eulogy for a lady during lent”
Now I can see how this is a reasonable search on Google. I can see that. But look at it another way: a eulogy for a lady during lent. I mean, isn’t a eulogy supposed to be more specific that just “for a lady”? Does it matter that much that it’s during lent? Is this lady dead already, or is this just someone planning ahead, kind of the way that news agencies have pre-set obituaries for important folks? But here’s the real question: how did they end up on A Draught of Vintage?
5. “what is a pedantocracy”
Answer: you’ve found it.
4. “could the activity of thinking as such be among the conditions that make men abstain from”
Abstain from…what!? So elaborate! Who actually types this out in a Google search? Also, not to judge, but wouldn’t it be better just to say: “could thinking as such cause men to abstain from”?
3. “hipster latin mass”
Yep. Also, there is so much richness here. I don’t even know where to start. I’m just proud that this was searched for on Google, and that someone ended up on A Draught of Vintage because of it. I also saw other searches relating to hipsters: ‘hipster crime and punishment’ and ‘hipster monsters.’
2. “rhyme and punishment. shout to my man dangle: the high desert star”
Just re-read that again! Now bask in the glory. Yeah okay, um what? Now re-read it. Amazing.
1. “tattoo wagon wheel designs”
Now this just warms my heart. Can someone please make a wagon wheel tattoo design?
Hopefully there are more to come in the future, so for now keep posting, keep reading, and keep feeling the love and stasis.
Yours,
Peter Hilaire
Hahaha, this is just too good!
Re #4: I am proud to claim responsibility for that one; that is a quote from Hannah Arendt’s book On Thinking, which I referenced for some thoughts on Crime and Punishment: “Could the activity of thinking as such … be among the conditions that make men abstain from evil-doing or actually “condition” them against it?”
Re #10: I am proud to say that I mentioned sweet corn while talking about Roetke’s “The Waking.” In hopes of attracting the multitudes of people searching for “poems about sweet corn” to this site, here’s one:
On Toni Morrison’s Beloved
I love the joys that very simply take me.
Like watching love from afar, and shucking corn.
How loose the silk. How fine and loose and free.
Watching consummation, but no apology;
What I see is something far from porn.
It’s just a simple joy that’s taking me.
See, it’s the first time Sethe has lain with Paul D.
They’re just married, too; there is no forn-
Icating involved. It’s fine, though loose and free.
The corn is juice, fingers all buttery,
And I’ll realize next day the beauty born
Of how this simple joy has taken me.
How quick the jailed up flavor runs free
That previously was so jailed down!
Now loosed of silk. Finally loose and free.
This eve Sethe has lost virginity,
The veil of virgin’s love is seen and torn.
I love the joys that very simply take me.
How loose the silk. How fine and loose and free.
Peter, thank you for letting me start my day with a very healthy dose of laughter.