My dear friends, Barack Obama returned to his roots this weekend (or at least, 50% of his roots) when he exasperatedly exclaimed that, “everybody in Washington gets all wee-weed up.”

Misko! Fishman! Sercer! The President speaks your language!! Wee-wee-de–de!!

Don’t you understand what this means? The problems our great nation has been facing these few months has NOTHING to do with extreme, unconstitutional government spending but actually rests in the fact that our Washington politicians are speaking the language of wee-wee-de–de and the American people didn’t realize it! All we need now are a few good translators!

Suddenly, flag@whitehouse.gov isn’t so scary! It was just the White House’s way of posting for the translator position. While most people saw this as a gross infringement on our rights to free speech, you knew it was the wee-wee way of asking for someone to step in and explain what the President has been unable to articulate for six months now!

I have never been more proud of my country or of Applebees [or Ruby Tuesday, also known as Scu-me Tuesday -Lord Bloch] as I am in this moment. If it was not for that fine food establishment, and your incessant practice, you boys might not be the proficient speakers you are today.

Gentleman, get thee to Washington! You have a country to save!