Here, friends, I offer to you something that I hope you find humorous.  I was recently browsing around the google analytics page for the Draught, and I noticed that I could see what “keywords” were bringing visitors to the site.  It occured to me that I ought to take the most amusing to give to you.  It also occurred to me that if I post these up, it might be providing a greater opportunity for visitors who are looking for these things on google to find them here on the site, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

The top 10 Bizarre/Interesting/Humorous Search Terms that brought users to A Draught of Vintage from Google

10. “poems on sweet corn”

The poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese, true; however, it can also be said that the poets have been even more suspiciously and negligently silent on the subject of sweet corn.

9. “top 50 platitudes”

I’m actually interested in seeing a list that can give me 50 good ones and in order of best (?) to worst.  But, you know, everything happens for a reason, so I guess it is what it is.

8. “when i have fears by william blake”

I have fears that somebody thinks that Blake wrote this…

7. “Katie Prejean puppy scam”

First of all.  I’m glad that they are being directed to this site for help with this problem.  Secondly, what is this puppy scam?  How does it work?  Is it lucrative?  Does it involve actual puppies?  Why Katie Prejean, why?

6. “a eulogy for a lady during lent”

Now I can see how this is a reasonable search on Google.  I can see that.  But look at it another way: a eulogy for a lady during lent.  I mean, isn’t a eulogy supposed to be more specific that just “for a lady”?  Does it matter that much that it’s during lent?  Is this lady dead already, or is this just someone planning ahead, kind of the way that news agencies have pre-set obituaries for important folks?  But here’s the real question: how did they end up on A Draught of Vintage?

5. “what is a pedantocracy”

Answer: you’ve found it.

4. “could the activity of thinking as such be among the conditions that make men abstain from”

Abstain from…what!?  So elaborate!  Who actually types this out in a Google search?  Also, not to judge, but wouldn’t it be better just to say: “could thinking as such cause men to abstain from”?

3. “hipster latin mass”

Yep.  Also, there is so much richness here.  I don’t even know where to start.  I’m just proud that this was searched for on Google, and that someone ended up on A Draught of Vintage because of it.  I also saw other searches relating to hipsters: ‘hipster crime and punishment’ and ‘hipster monsters.’

2. “rhyme and punishment. shout to my man dangle: the high desert star”

Just re-read that again!  Now bask in the glory.  Yeah okay, um what?  Now re-read it.  Amazing.

1. “tattoo wagon wheel designs”

Now this just warms my heart.  Can someone please make a wagon wheel tattoo design?

Hopefully there are more to come in the future, so for now keep posting, keep reading, and keep feeling the love and stasis.

Yours,

Peter Hilaire